It takes a lot for something to bother me enough that I have to look away. You can tell me about human mistreatment at guatanamo and show me the gruesome pictures. I can brush that off. I'll look at the pictures, and I might say: "that's not so good." Wikileaks that state Hillary Clinton was using the CIA to spy on foreign diplomats: "that's not so good." But the Israeli president rapes a woman, and I feel like my integrity has been threatened: "that is terrible". I have to look away, close the article. It's an internal struggle. I cannot take the blame for all human misconduct. A person would go crazy. But I can take the blame for Jewish misconduct?
Certain news about Israel forces me to look away, not out of disgust for the human condition, but out of the "what-in-the-goddamn-hell-am-i-supposed-to-think-about-this" kind of way. Gaza 2010, Flotilla, occupation, and building settlements... things that my moral code may dissaprove of... I have to look away. Maybe Israel was right in its actions. Maybe the media is biased. Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever the case, it leaves the Jewish American with a helpless feeling. I just don't feel like dealing with this right now.
I have known too many Israelis, I have been to Israel too many times, and it means too much to my father. It is a hot button issue (the issue I care about most) that I actively choose not to discuss. I avoid a message thread about Israel on any social media message board like the plague. Would it be too painful to read? Is the internet too ignorant for my high moral standard? Or am I intrinsically too divided in my feelings and opinions?
Does what happens there actually effect me? Is it even worth caring? I have a lot of open ended questions, and this will be the place to discuss them.
You internally struggle with a common reality that Jewish people face. Yet, yours is more endearing due to your close nit connection with your Jewish family relations. It may not be something that even yourself finds such a strong connection to, but the fact that your family has connected so strongly with it has made your struggle to understand that much more difficult/intricate.
ReplyDeleteThe Jewish people are such a close community and therefore when something hits so close to home (or in Israel) it effects us more than we intend for.
I think we avoid the discussion because our words come out more as a tangent. Who really can make since of the thoughts that transpire in our mind? The fact that you have put this much out in a blog format is impressive. Because I see where your coming from. I don't have answers/nobody really does, these proposed questions remain open ended... And our opinions/feelings r so up and down and develop daily that to mask a true understanding would be impossible.
Lastly, it is worth caring about. It's a part of your upbringing and a part of what's made you the person you are today.